So, it’s January—officially 2025. We’re all pretending our resolutions still matter, right? But yours truly, the self-proclaimed queen of procrastination, missed the grand "Happy New Year" journaling moment. Whatever, 2024 didn’t deserve a proper send-off anyway. Moving on.
Now, speaking of life’s priorities (and by that, I mean my YouTube recommendations), I stumbled upon The Hollywood Reporter’s Actress Roundtable and OH. MY. GOD. The lineup was like a buffet of brilliance and beauty I could never afford: Angelina Jolie (Maria), Demi Moore (The Substance), Mikey Madison (Anora), Tilda Swinton (The Room Next Door), Zendaya (Challengers and Dune: Part Two—because why have one blockbuster when you can have two?), and Zoe Saldaña (Emilia Pérez). Ugh, perfection.
Naturally, I watched this masterpiece like the A-list celebrity I am… in my head. Because let’s be real, I’m totally convinced that if I ever accidentally walked into the wrong Soho House lounge, they’d obviously save me a seat next to Zendaya and ask for my skincare routine. I sat there, practically mute, nodding along like I was about to chime in with, "You know, Angie, when I did my gritty indie film, I found the emotional depth of the character so liberating!"
And Tilda Swinton—oh, Tilda. Alien queen, avant-garde goddess, mother of eccentricity. Her mere existence makes me question why I’m not wearing a couture beekeeper’s veil while sipping matcha from a Fabergé egg. Demi Moore? Living proof that you can survive the 80s, 90s, and Bruce Willis and still glow like a YSL ad.
Zendaya, meanwhile, just sat there looking like she invented youth and ambition. “Challengers and Dune?” How does one juggle prestige drama with sci-fi epics without breaking a sweat? I can’t even juggle my Uber Eats orders without spiraling into chaos.
And don’t get me started on Zoe Saldaña. Miss Guardians of Every Franchise Ever, casually conquering intergalactic warfare and gender dynamics in one sitting. By the time Mikey Madison spoke, I was fully prepared to quit my imaginary celebrity career and become her PA.
So there I was, sitting on my couch, nodding along like a polite society debutante, trying to absorb every drop of their wisdom. Did I feel starstruck? Yes. Did I also feel like their seventh uninvited guest? Obviously. But hey, what’s new?
In conclusion: If there’s one thing I learned from this star-studded panel, it’s that I need to be reincarnated as someone with their level of talent and a better calendar because writing this on January 4? Messy. Then again, messy is on-brand for me. Happy New Year. 🎉
