Gone Was Any Trace of You

Woke up early today to a cloudy sky. I ought to be out running but something about the weather made me skip my usual morning routine.

For months on end I had kept myself busy with work, business and a little bit of writing (this explains why I haven't really had any decent post lately), thinking that my emotions will die on me like a candle on a wick. 

Little did I realize that I was playing with fire. And like fire, if you don't deal with it immediately, it will catch up on you- swallowing you whole. 

This brings me to the importance of 'closure' in our lives; in little random things, like when we have ended a day's worth of task, our search for wisdom and understanding, or even from the relationships we all wish to move on from. Closure is important.

What's scary about the effects of not being able to achieve closure is the huge possibility of regret. Regret may be just a word to some of you, but to others, it was an emotion, a force so strong that t had the power to come back and haunt them for the rest of their lives. 

I have had my own fair share of regrets in my life. I would be crazy if I would say that I didn't have any. I had a handful of them, occasionally popping out on unsuspecting occasions, but I have learned to manage them all when I understood the importance of 'closure'.

If like me, you too have had a chance with this destructive emotion and learned to deal with it, I truly admire you. I can only imagine the inner personal things you had to go through to triumph over this emotion.

Today, I am once again meeting with this emotion, and I may still be in the dark and at a loss for the right mindset to deal with this subtle tragedy (and I may even still be dwelling in the moment), but I have set to myself the intention to believe that one day, when the time is right, I too will have my chance. I just had to feel everything right now, the good and the bad.

And I also need to learn to forgive myself for these untimely episodes in my life (sorry for ranting on this fashion blog). I know, the things I put myself into, right? It's hard, but I know deep down inside that it's the right thing to do, and when I have truly achieved this 'forgiveness' only then will I believe that I have achieved closure.


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